Where to start? What to even talk about? There are a great deal of things I wish to talk about, but most of which I will not currently, because my mind seems to make about as much sense as my physics work, and we all know how hard that shit is. Why do I just stand there when people close to me are in pain? Why can't I help, or do something, anything. Instead of just standing there without a word. Maybe I'm a pussy? Maybe I secretly don't care? I doubt that one, unless I'm such a good liar, I even convinced myself of it. No, I won't even consider it to be me not caring. My friends mean way too much to me, after all, they were the ones who took me in when I had no one, they actually treated me like a human being, not like I was invisible. I would do anything for them, including taking a bullet. Hell, I'd take probably 100 bullets for them. If that's true, then why can't I do or say ANYTHING when situations occur? Have a fallen down the spiral so much that my emotionsare disapearing? and if thats true, then what is it that I feel right now? I don't know. I just wish I had more balls to do something. And suddenly my mind draws to a blank. A blank for feelings or words, I don't know really what it is. Maybe I've finally lost it? But when did I really have it? How do I know this world I live in, how do I know that is what everone else see's? What if the cloud has gotten so thick over my head, it's clouded and distorted reality and unconcious thought. Here I sit on a halfly comfertable thing of cushioning. Barely clinging onto reality and dreamworld. what is real? what is dream? I'm sure that's a good question that most people should ask themselves on a daily basis, though they don't. People, they are interesting bunch, so sure on their surroundings. I don't really know where I am going with this, though I never did when I started writing. It just flowed from an unknown location. Maybe I think better when I am falling asleep? Maybe none of this makes any sense? Who knows, that's your call, not mine. I write this shit, you read it. Assuming anyone will read this. I don't expect anyone to make it through half of this.