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DestructiveDelirium

And All That Could Have Been
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Fading Away

2 min read
I've been a member here for over 6 years apparently. It feels a lot longer then that though. Back when I still had art as a creative outlet. Back when I actually had creativity to use. I miss those days to be honest and if I had the chance I would go back. There is nothing for me here anymore and yet I still linger. Not just DA but everything in general. I'm going nowhere in life and I only have myself to blame for that. But I really don't want anything more. I just don't want to continue on. I want to hit the off switch and just fade away. Just a faded memory. That is all I feel like anyways. I find myself looking at the past, remembering the good and bad memories, more so then I pay attention to the present or the future. I'm just so tired, both emotionally and physically. The only thing really keeping me afloat is what friends I have left and close family. And some days I wish they would stop caring for me. I don't want to be a burden to them. I wish they would forget about me, move on like I was never around. I don't want to cause anyone any pain but I feel like that is all I do and ever will do. And they don't deserve that. I'm not really sure where else to go with this so I'll just stop now. That is all.
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Back?

1 min read
Well now, if anyone still follows me, you may have noticed I actually uploaded a new picture. It's been over two years since I've actually drawn something more then a doodle or a rough drawing. It's been way too long. Will there be more? Who knows. Maybe atleast a few.
Well I was planning on writing some longer journal entry then this, but I'm running short on time so I will have to leave it at this. I guess I got general message across.
Anyways, hopefully I will have other works in the near future (and hopefully not take two years to complete just one picture.. ) And yeah, that's all for now.
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Seeing as I haven't probably posted any new artworks in.. what a year? No idea. And if anyone even still watches me they may be curious to know as to why. (doubt it)  So I'll make it official that I am pretty much leaving deviantArt. Not like that was suprising. I have lost all inspiration and motivation to draw anymore and that disapeared a long time ago. I don't think I have actually done a reall good drawing since when I was still in highschool. But anyways, enough of that. Just wanted to make that official, plus to post this here incase anyone new stumbles across my account and comments and doesn't get a reply back.

Anyways, goodbye anyone whom may still watch me, it's been a good few years. Maybe I will find motivation and inspiration someday, but I do not see that happening anytime in the near future.
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Reminiscing

2 min read
Were have the days gone? The days where it still felt like the world was infront of me. When I felt belonging along side friends. Those days have gone. My childhood, my highschool years, they are gone. I don't feel like the world is infront of me anymore. I don't see a bright future full of possibilities as I once did. You can argue against that, but that won't change the fact that that is how I feel about the future. So many faces who I once called 'friends' are now just simple memories in my head. I've let so much slip away from me. I always knew the consiquences for my actions. But I never knew the impact of the consiquences would have on me emotionally. and regardless, I didn't care. I just let some of the possibly best times of my life, pass me by. But we all make choics that have negative outcomes. And we all must live with these choices for the rest of our brief exsistence. A major chapter in my life is now over. And now a new one begins. What will happen, only time will tell. But I will never forget the people whom I have left behind in my past. The people who have had a large impact on my life, and there are many people who have done so. I will never forget them as they were when we were friends. I wish those people the best of luck in the future. Cheers.


"Everyday the future looks a little bit darker. But the past, even the grimmy bits, keep getting brighter."
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I'm very rarely on here, but I have decided, I hate half of my Gallery so I'm going to clean out the crap.

Over the past year (past several months in peticular) I have dramatically changed. My views on the world and everything in it have changed, and I feel I have matured alot since leaving high school. Many of the artworks here were meaningful to me at one point, but they do not reflect who I am now. I'm not a teenager anymore. I'm not some kid full of angst anymore, things have matured dramatically in me. I want my gallery to reflect more who I am now, then who I was.

As for new art, I wouldn't count on it anytime soon. My inspiration in all forms of art have deminished to almost nothing. I wish I could find inspiration and a general interest in drawing and music and all forms of Art I used to love, but that's not something you can force. But I would like to throw out a thank you to everyone who has commented and fav'd things of mine in the past (good or bad) It was very appriciated and was nice to see some people actually liked some of this stuff.

I'm still lerking here and there. So still free to leave comments on the things that don't get deleted. I will get to them eventually.
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Featured

Fading Away by DestructiveDelirium, journal

Back? by DestructiveDelirium, journal

Let's make this official by DestructiveDelirium, journal

Reminiscing by DestructiveDelirium, journal

Cleaning Things Out by DestructiveDelirium, journal